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There are four important qualities that can assist us with our healing journey and connecting with our true Self:  Compassion; Curiosity; Courage and Commitment. When we cultivate these four ways of being, we speed up the process of healing and the deepening of connection to Self. This is part one: Compassion.


Compassion and self-love are instrumental in embodying wholeness. The “self-improvement” and “personal development” industries are filled with messages about needing to “fix” ourselves or “get rid of” unwanted traits and habits, or other unhelpful messages that feed our already self-critical subconscious beliefs and negative self-talk.

For many people delving into self-help books and courses only serves to feed subconscious programs about not being good enough or needing someone or something outside of us to save us or make us better.

Many of the self-help and spiritual books I read in my 20’s and 30’s talked about the importance of self-love. While I understood it as an intellectual concept, it remained just that – an abstract concept and an elusive goal.

Several years ago, I found several new tools that enabled me to integrate, understand and have compassion for all the parts of myself, especially the parts I did not like or parts that I thought sabotaged me.

Something magical began to happen.

Through the work of understanding and appreciating these parts, the jobs they had in protecting me, keeping me safe and from getting hurt again, I found more wholeness. The simple act of appreciating them, thanking them and loving them, released them from the jobs they had had since whatever childhood trauma had derailed them from their original purpose.

Through integrating these parts one-by-one, I achieved more wholeness and aligned with my Self. Then effortlessly, my heart center expanded with deep self-love. My self-talk became more loving and playful. When I made mistakes or got triggered by situations, I forgave myself more quickly and came back to center more quickly. I found equanimity. And I experienced a shorter refractory period.

Our minds are our constant companions. We cannot escape our inner dialogue.

So, wouldn’t it be wise to make friends with ourselves and have our inner dialogue be supportive and loving?

It is an act of great self-love to change the voice of our inner critic to one of an inner friend. When we begin to make this simple, yet powerful shift, it’s incredible how quickly we can improve how we feel about ourselves and our lives. When we speak more lovingly to ourselves our entire inner landscape begins to change.

It is like an ecosystem when it begins to rejuvenate.

When we weed the garden of our mind of negative thinking and negative self-talk, we can admire the flowers and the fruits of our labor. It takes work and diligence, and the results are beautiful and so worth the effort.

Stay tuned for part two.